Renovation Column: Forgive me father for my decor decisions

When we uncovered the original parquet flooring we painstakingly removed each piece so we could restore and relay it; a decision I'm now questioning because everywhere I look I see builders' bags of the stuff.

When we stumbled across the brass cross left for us by the vicar we vowed to incorporate it into the project and put it pride of place in our new design.

Our intentions were good but this week I seem to have fallen down a rabbit hole and the religious roots of our home have suddenly become my whole personality.

It started innocently enough with the idea to incorporate a church pew into our hallway to give people a place to sit and put on shoes – practical, stylish and in keeping I think you’ll agree.

Fast forward a few days and I’m bidding on a huge antique oak hymn board from Newcastle Cathedral with grand plans to turn into a coat hook.

Things have escalated quickly and my algorithm is not helping – every time I log into Facebook Marketplace or eBay the ‘items you may like’ section is a treasure trove of weird and wonderful religious relics.

From Gothic church stone windows and stained glass masterpieces to an antique confessional for the bargain price of £12,000. What’s that musical instruments you say?...don't worry there’s a few organs on my ‘saved’ list that would really finish the place off.

At this point I’m even day dreaming about an outdoor nativity scene for Christmas complete with life size biblical figures and maybe a few borrowed donkeys from the farm down the road.

I’m becoming increasingly worried my Pinterest board of carefully curated, timeless and chic decor is slowly turning into a ‘Father Ted’ meets “Vicar of Dibley’ style TV set and someone needs to stop me.

The interior design experts tell us that going too literal with a theme can make a home look cheap, dated, and over-contrived – but what can I do if someone is offering a church pulpit ‘priced to sell’.

All of this got me thinking: if I'm on the verge of pretty much decorating my vicarage to resemble the inside of a church would it be acceptable to launch some kind of community 'repair our church roof' style fundraiser to finish our over budget project? Just asking for a friend.

So if you call round for a cup of tea (please don't because we still have no floors or kitchen) don’t be surprised if I’m dressed in a nun’s outfit, have joined some renaissance reenactment society and ask you to do Three Hail Mary's as you leave.

Keep up to date with all the progress by following @ohgodweboughtavicarage on Instagram.