30 of Victoria Wood's funniest jokes and one-liners

Victoria Wood, who passed away on 20 April 2016 following a battle with cancer, was one of the greatest and most popular British TV comics of her generation.

To mark two years since her sad passing, we've compiled some of the funniest gags from her numerous appearances, the popular sitcoms she wrote, and a few of her rather bawdy songs.

Here are 30 jokes that sum up the wit and wisdom of Victoria Wood (warning: some rude humour ahead)

Her funniest one-liners:

"People think I hate sex. I don't. I just don't like things that stop you seeing the television properly."

"I thought Coq au Vin was love in a lorry."

"A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down, and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet."

"The Italians have got opera, the Spanish have got flamenco dancing. What have we got? Weight Watchers."

"My children won't even eat chips because some clever so-and-so at school told them potato was a vegetable."

"I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped but I've been driving that Peugeot for years."

"Foreplay is like beefburgers – three minutes on each side."

"You can't have a masseur called Harold. That's like having a member of the Royal Family called Ena."

"Everybody in my class at school was enormous. They had to stop us doing cross country running because we dented a viaduct."

[On bunking off from P.E.] "One girl never went swimming. She always had her period. In the end they sent someone round from the Guinness Book of Records."

"I just hate the fact that someone could walk in while you're watching a black and white film and think that you can't afford colour."

"I'm going North. It's a compulsion with me. Even in Tesco's I head straight for the freezer cabinets on the back wall."

"She was wearing a pair of bright red lycra cycling shorts. From the back it looked like two halves of Edam."

From 'The Ballad of Barry and Freda':

"I'm on fire/With desire/I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir!"

"Stop pouting/Stop shouting/You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting/I can't do it/I can't do it tonight."

"Not bleakly/Not meekly/Beat me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly/Let's do it/Let's do it tonight!"