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I was very excited to hear about NHS plans to give people smartwatches. It’s not because I think it’s a good idea. It’s because my old smartwatch is struggling to retain its charge and I need a new one, says comedian and writer Steve N Allen.

It’s a 10-year plan to save the NHS that includes handing out wearable tech to monitor people’s health.

It is amazing what these devices can do these days. Obviously they can count your steps. If I have had a sedentary day, my watch will vibrate to remind me to get off my butt at some point.

There is probably a very big difference between your own smartwatch telling you that and the NHS watch telling you that. I can take the hint when it’s from something I bought for myself but if the Government watch is nagging me I’d probably sit down for longer in protest.

Guest columnist Steve N Allen is a writer and comedian.

The pedometer function is easily fooled. Just pop your watch on your dog’s tail and play fetch in the house.

New watches have advanced functions. They monitor your sleep. I turned that off. There would be days where I felt fine, I’d check my sleep stats and see that I didn’t sleep well.

Then I’d start to feel tired. It’s the power of suggestion.

With an eight-month-old baby, you don’t want a record of your sleep that can be used against you by your spouse. If there’s evidence that you get a good night’s sleep you’ll be sent in for the nighttime wake ups for days.

"There is probably a very big difference between your own smartwatch telling you that and the NHS watch telling you that. I can take the hint when it’s from something I bought for myself but if the Government watch is nagging me I’d probably sit down for longer in protest", says writer and comedian Steve N Allen.

While I was shopping for a new smartwatch I saw that they now boast medical-grade electrocardiograms. They can monitor your pulse but in such detail it can see any anomaly in your heart. A physical anomaly, not that you’ll never love again.

Looking at the fine details of your pulse can indicate several defects. Isn’t it amazing that a watch can do this? When I was growing up I thought we were living in a sci-fi dream when your watch had a calculator.

I didn’t buy one of these fancy new watches for probably a very silly reason. It was made by Huawei and all of the talk in the news about Chinese government control of their large companies spooked me.

If America is banning TikTok maybe I shouldn’t let them have access to my medical data. I know, as if China cares about my resting BPM.

Having a smartwatch is nice but who has access to your data is a worry. You don’t want something that stresses you out. It’ll show up in your NHS smartwatch scan.

Column:​ Watch out – here’s another plan to help us from the NHS

Column: Watch out – here’s another plan to help us from the NHS