How do I get on the inside?

Inside Worksop Masonic Hall (w110218-7b)
Inside Worksop Masonic Hall (w110218-7b)

i’ve been left somewhat puzzled this week by the Freemasons.

Who do they think they are kidding? You can’t just put a swish carpet and a brass candelabra inside a village hall and call it a temple – people just won’t swallow it.

And why is everything about the Masons so secretive? I met one at a swanky function the other night and as I shook his hand he tipped his nose, scratched his knee, tried to bite his earlobe three times and barked ‘WIBBLE’.

It was all very awkward but it didn’t half make me want to be a member of this cult.

So how do I get in? What’s the criteria for entry into the Freemasons? Do I need to be able to wield a sledgehammer and chisel, or something?

And will it help me to get a promotion at work? I could do with a payrise. WIBBLE!