Mash Report star wants to know why can’t we choose what age we want to be?

Steve N Allen
Steve N Allen

People say, age is nothing but a number, writes Steve N Allen.

True, but numbers are important.

Price ain’t nothing but a number but you want to know it and your PIN ain’t nothing but a number either but if you can’t remember it you won’t be buying that thing you’ve just learned the price of.

Emile Ratelband hit the news when he wanted to change his age from 69 to 49.

Sadly for him the courts in the Netherlands turned down his request.

Emile argued his doctor said his biological age was 40-42.

Well, my doctor says with my BMI I have the ideal weight of someone 7ft 10in.

But I’m not trying to legally make myself taller.

Emile said that after learning his biological age he asked himself, ‘why am I not that age?’

I think I know – it’s because you’ve been alive for 69 years.

The courts said it would get confusing to be able to pick your own age.

They may have a point, how long would it be till we read on Facebook some middle-class family saying their little six-year-old self-identified as a 25-year-old so they got them driving lessons?

I would think about changing my age if I could.

Maybe be younger so they let me keep being on TV for a few more series.

Or maybe I’d make myself 65.

I’d get free bus travel and when people heard how old I was they’d say, ‘you look great for you age,’ which is not something I hear at the moment.

Emile wanted to change his age legally so that he could go on Tinder and get more success.

But now his request has been turned down by the courts.

So what can he do?

Simple, he can lie about his age on Tinder.

At least he’ll have that in common with everyone else on that app.