Please walk in straight lines

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EVERY time I visit Worksop town centre I am left so incredibly infuriated that I vow never to return again.

This goes back years, yet I keep returning time and time again.

What is wrong with me? Why am I such a glutton for punishment?

And no matter how many times I visit, I always manage to find something new that irritates me.

Something, that until now, had been hidden in the morass of annoying features of this town and its people.

My new Worksop bug bear is the way people around here walk, if you can call it walking.

For when I was in town the other day it suddenly became apparent to me that half the people seem unable to walk in a straight line.

Instead, they sort of shuffle and hobble sideways, and in zigzags, like crabs. It’s bizarre.

Time is money for Grundi, I’m a man on a mission, a man who walks with a purpose.

I don’t have time to dawdle behind you lot.

Even when I give someone a wide berth and try and execute my overtaking manoeuvre, the sap in front of me suddenly makes a sideways jolt and cuts me up like a van driver on the bypass.

And when I inevitably bump into them they look at me like I’ve just tried to mug them or something. Unbelievable.

If anyone knows why Worksop folk apparently have no control over their limbs, then please let me know. Maybe it’s something to do with the extra toes.

BEING the ‘with it’ guy that I am (people stopped saying ‘with it’ in about 1967 - ed) I spend a good deal of time using social media, especially Twitter.

But when I read people’s Tweets I am absolutely astounded by the shocking level of English many people seem to possess.

I still cannot believe so many people go through between 12 and 14 years of schooling and come out of the other end without being able to distinguish between ‘there’, ‘their’, and ‘they’re’.

Surely this is basic stuff? If I recall correctly, I had the distinctions between these three words committed to memory by the time I was six-years-old.

‘Their’ is a possessive adjective and indicates that a particular noun belongs to ‘them’. Eg ‘Have you seen their new car?’

‘They’re’ is short for ‘they are’.

‘There’ indicates a place or the existence of something.

Hardly rocket science, is it?