People of Worksop: That long piece of cloth that some men choose to wear around their neck is called a TIE! T.I.E.
It is an item of clothing that men in the developed world wear to make themselves look smart and well presented.
The male of the species have been wearing them for about 400 years.
Millions of fellas across the country wear them every single day. It is as vital to many blokes fashion ensemble as underpants and socks.
Despite all this, every time I venture into Worksop town centre wearing a tie (which is most of the time because I nearly always wear one) people gawp and stare at me as if I’ve just been beamed down from Neptune.
It’s only an item of clothing, not some fearsome product of witchcraft or sorcery.
I don’t get this reaction anywhere else I go, be it Retford, London, Nottingham, or Chessington World of Adventures.
And those who aren’t staring at me goggle-eyed. tongue lolling out of their stupid flappy mouths, mistake me for the manager of whichever store I happen to be in (usually M&S).
I swear, if I get asked one more time where the Beef Wellington is I am going to go all Michael Douglas in Falling Down.
If I had my way every man would wear a tie. I wear one and I don’t even work any more.
But it seems to be becoming the fashion for men not to wear ties, even if they are in a position of authority.
This scruffy trend seems to have been set by the likes of Simon Cowell who wear their shirts open to their nipples. Even politicians are at it now.
And it’s filtering down through society as more andmore men follow them like lemmings over this fashion faux pas abyss.
They’ll probably stop wearing trousers next. I give up.