Have you ever seen a bigger pile of guff on your television screens than the Winter Olympics?
For a start, I don’t even know anyone who’s watched more than 10 minutes of it before turning off out of boredom.
I only switched on out of a morbid curiosity.
Most of the so called ‘sports’ I’ve never even heard of, let alone have any interested in watching.
Every event I saw looked completely and utterly pointless.
Mogul? What the hell’s the mogul? Who wants to watch someone skiing over a surface that’s not quite as bumpy as the A57?
Halfpipe? Come on. Someone’s just made that up. Nevermind halfpipe, I reckon whoever dreamed that one up must have been smoking a crackpipe at the time.
Then, of course, there’s curling. Or is it hurling? I always get them mixed up. I know one’s some crazy Irish hybrid of hockey and rugby, and the other involves a giant stone being pushed along an ice rink.
Whatever, they both sound like something I do after I’ve been on one of my infamous pasty binges.
We all know there is only one real winter sport. Sledging.
Now, a Sledging Olympics is something I could watch.
It would be brilliant. There could be various different sledging disciplines.
You could have solo, tandem, and team sledging.
Then, of course, you could have different types of sledge.
There could be traditional wooden and plastic style toboggans.
Then you could have modern adaptations such as the wheelie bin lid, bin liner, and inflatable lilo.
I’m going to start a campaign for the inaugural Sledging Olympics to be held in Clumber in 2018. Who’s with me?